what happens when you enquire deeply into this sense of ‘me’?
Vic Shayne
author
13 Pillars of Enlightenment: How to realize your true nature and end suffering
I cannot say what will happen if you enquire deeply into your sense of self, because only you will find out. And, though I can say what happened for me, this does not mean that it will happen for you in the same way. Such is the nature of the individual perspective and experience. So what can you expect? I don’t know. However, it does seem that many people, going all the way back into history, have uncovered something beyond thought, time, space, and form. This is my experience as well.
“Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear?”
― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching
why would you want to know?
Let’s begin by asking why anyone would want to enquire into their sense of self. What are they looking to accomplish? Generally, someone who has enough dedication, persistence, and desire to enquire into who they are has an inkling that there is more to who they are than meets the senses and world of thoughts. This so-called journey begins with unrest and often suffering that pushes us to wonder if there is a better way to get through life that does not involve the familiar constant cycle of ups and downs, seemingly with no end.
“Now that you are advancing towards that which is beyond time, the semblance of happiness brought about by mundane things is being consumed. As a result, the question — “ What actually is this world?” will arise. So long as the world seems enjoyable to you, such a query does not present itself.”
— Anandamayi-ma
stay on your own path
Stories about enlightened sages are older than the hills. Such people are people said to have discovered that life and the sense of self are illusions, and in this realization they are free of the bonds of the limited self. This is a mind-boggling idea that, like a rolling stone, has picked up all sorts of moss as it has been interpreted and discussed by those who have had no such realization themselves. But if we put on our blinders we can ignore all the interpretations and worship surrounding enlightened sages to avoid being derailed back into the world of endless thought, which is the world of the (egoic) self.
It is important not to become distracted from your own commitment if you want to find a truth that is indivisible. What makes this tricky is that the self is wont to fool itself into thinking that it has achieved something greater, something magnificent and special.
In seeking something greater than itself, the self seeks itself; the self is chasing the self without realizing that this is what it’s doing. The self is steeped in the world of ideas and experiences and therefore this is what it seeks by default. But the realization must come that the seeker and the sought are the same. Stop seeking and start observing what this self really is by looking closely at it and finding its edges and origins. Don’t bring any of your thoughts, misconceptions, knowledge, or beliefs into it; just observe.
We are so conditioned, so used to seeking, because we are trained to be goal-oriented, and this mindset gets in the way of just seeing what IS.
when the self falls apart
The egoic self — the one you call “me” — is a house of cards. It is created out of ideas that are tentative, impermanent, fragile, unsteady, and volatile, because its origins are based solely on other people’s ideas about what it is. As an image fashioned out of thought, the self exists as an identity that has attached to other images and identities. Essentially, the egoic self is an idea of who you are, but not actually who you are. By analogy, your reflection in the mirror is an image of your body or face, but it is not actually you, even if it seems so real.
If you enquire deeply enough into the mental image of yourself then you may arrive at something beyond it in the same way that if you try to find the essence of a mirage you eventually move through it to the point where it no longer exists — and it becomes obvious that it had been an illusion all along. The self, which is a strong idea, falls apart when you go deep enough into it.
who cares?
Who cares enough to find out what they are beyond the limited egoic sense of self? The sage Anandamayi-ma said, “There are two kinds of pilgrims on life’s journey: the one, like a tourist, is keen on sight-seeing, wandering from place to place, flitting from one experience to another for the fun of it. The other treads the path that is consistent with man’s true being and leads to his real home, to Self-knowledge. Sorrow will of a certainty be encountered on the journey undertaken for the sake of sight-seeing and enjoyment. So long as one’s real home has not been found, suffering is inevitable.”
self-enquiry
One reliable way to find out that the sense of self does not actually exist is through “self-enquiry,” which begins when you ask yourself, “Who am I?” But the question is not the most important part of the enquiry. It is actually what the question does that is important, because it forces the attention to turn away from what you perceive as an objective reality and to the source of this perception. This same reversal of attention is achieved by keeping the words “I am” in mind, reminding you that there is a sense of knowing that you exist independent of any attachment or identity.
Your constant attention on the source of what you are has the power to break the identity of the self so that something greater — that which is fundamental and irreducible — becomes evident.
