i am become Death
Vic Shayne
author
13 Pillars of Enlightenment: How to realize your true nature and end suffering
Knowing that “I am become Death” is a sobering realization beyond the ken of the conditioned mind, the one each person calls Me. Before moving forward, there’s a little explaining that needs to be laid out before diving into the depth of meaning this realization implies…
Existence, which is the steady and ceaseless unfoldment of consciousness, is an inseparable, undivided, undelineated, singular movement that contains everything — including our bodies, minds, emotions, experiences, and all forms, expressions and changes of life. It is the oneness that so many carelessly and ignorantly spew as if they actually know what they are saying beyond empty words.
The sense of self, the “Me,” is a presumed fragment of the totality of consciousness. It is presumed, because it is not actually fragmented; it only believes that it is, much like a drop of water cannot see that it is the ocean itself. The Me is a conditioned state that has mentally separated itself from the whole; and in this separation it cannot behold the entirety of the movement of consciousness, but only parts of it. Thus, it fears what it cannot control, nor can it apperceive the ultimate reality. And it struggles in a river of sorrow that seems unfair, overwhelming, dangerous, threatening, and conflictual. Because of this, it fears a death that brings an end to its stability and false sense of security rooted firmly in its own ignorance and denial of all that exists — the good and bad, if you will. To admit to the entirety of what lies within you is to admit to your ugliness, anger, greed, and limitations.
seeing beyond the delusional self
But what if you could see what you really, really are, beyond the delusion of this Me? What if you could see that you are the totality of all that is? Then the inner conflict would end, which is the conflict that causes one to be in denial of what he/she really is. Denial comes from the Me because the reality of existence is too overwhelming to behold. The Me cannot find pleasure in admitting to its own shortcomings and the ugliness that haunts it.
Since I was a child I could feel, experience, know, the awesome static that exists as the totality of consciousness. I could feel all the opposing forces at once. This apperception was overwhelming and threatened my sanity at times as it filled my mind with all the good and bad within the state of aliveness. I could see this clearly, but not with my eyes. And I could hear it and feel it in the same way. Yet I could not accept it as myself, so it tormented me to no end.
And now, sixty years later, I have revisited this realization of the endless, comprehensive, all-pervasive deafening web of conflict that creates and destroys life and propels existence ever onward without partiality or pause. Who am I now that sees this? It is no longer the person — the Me — who is overwhelmed and bothered by the power of it all. Now it is that which is behind the Me, watching, feeling, and hearing as consciousness itself, seeing itself in motion. I am become Death.
profound words lost on the masses
“I am Death, destroyer of worlds” is statement that appears in the ancient Hindu text, the Bhagavad Gita, part of the Mahabharata. It’s a mythic story about Arjuna the warrior who has to decide whether to send his troops into battle, knowing full well that there will be untold death and suffering, and realizing that many among the “enemy” were his cousins and friends. What could this pensive and frozen leader do in such a predicament? How could he make a choice that is beyond the pain that any human can mentally and emotionally endure? He turns to Lord Krishna who offers insight that is incomprehensible to the self’s conditioned mind. Lord Krishna’s guidance is for his charge to seize the moment and play his part in the scheme of unfolding history.
who says ‘Yes!’ but consciousness itself?
Who says “Yes” to it all, even in the worst of situations, if not consciousness itself? We are all consciousness, but most people are living life through the falsehood of a belief called the self, “I,” or the “Me.” And it is this perspective of the limited Me that prevents them from embracing and enveloping all that moves and exists, both good and bad, terrible and wonderful, ugly and beautiful, life and death. It is this Me that must die; it must die to consciousness; it must die to the past and future to live in the infinite present.
Our culture is saturated with this profound truth, yet it is buried in plain sight as people cannot see the obvious: This is the story of Jesus who dies as a person, a Me, to be resurrected as consciousness (Christ consciousness). And it is the story of Siddhartha, the Me who awakens to be the Buddha. It, too, is the story in Leonard Cohen’s song Hallelujah: “There’s a blaze of light in every word; It doesn’t matter which you heard, The holy or the broken Hallelujah... it’s not a cry that you hear at night; It’s not somebody who’s seen the light; It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah.” It is also the story of Arjuna who must die as the Me and say “Yes!” to his unavoidable role in the unfoldment of consciousness on the eve of battle.
the death of the self to the whole
“I am become Death” is a proclamation that the Me has died to the totality of consciousness, recognizing that it is the destroyer of all — ideas, memories, lives, nature, attachments, identities, and fear. But it is also the destroyer of pain, confusion, sadness, misery, and suffering.
Death brings about something wondrous, which is Life, and so the cycle continues. But when one identifies as consciousness instead of the illusory Me, the conflict of the Me vanishes along with the neurosis that comes from the overwhelming internalization of the unfathomable movement of all opposing forces. The forces of life, of existence, instead become an orchestration instead of conflict so that the Me gives way to the wholeness that has always been present but that the Me could not behold.
it is only the Me that perceives death as bad
“I am become Death” is not a proclamation that one is a negative power or evil entity, but it is rather a recognition of the role consciousness plays as the unstoppable, inerrant movement that indiscriminately and indifferently propels reality forward as the masses feel stuck, victimized, sorrowful, restricted, and affected by it.
Death creates Life, and Life creates Death. It is Me that must die so that freedom from the known is the outcome, with a newfound ensuing insight beyond itself. With death of the Me comes the end of suffering, the end of the conflict, the end of fear, the end of neurosis, and the end of the sense of separation that creates it all.
