How does the sense of self create problems in our lives?

Vic Shayne
author
The Self is a Belief

To answer our question of how the sense of self creates problems in our lives, we have to first explore what we are as people, which is what we take ourselves to be. To begin, we have to define the idea of a self, which is also called “me,” the egoic self, the self, or the egoic mind. Some call it the persona, the mask to the world, or the center.

When we refer to ourselves we are actually referring to an image of who we believe we are. This image is created out of thought that is secondhand — ideas that we accept from authority figures as true, or ideas that we come up with out of our own assumptions, perceptions, and suppositions.

The egoic self is formed at an early age from the psychological conditioning from teachers, parents, authority figures, religion, culture, and so on.

The egoic self is full of beliefs and ideas; it doesn’t actually see the truth, but only its own version of the truth. Its main belief is that the egoic self is separate from all other people, the environment, nature, animals, and so on. This false notion of separation creates a number of problems, with two of them being most prominent:

First is that the idea of separation leads one to be in opposition, in conflict with, everyone else. Second is that the idea of being separate causes fear. Fear becomes the default mode — fear of the “other,” fear of not getting what we want, fear of being hurt, fear of losing something or someone, fear of not being liked, and on and on.

The notion of being separate also creates desire, because if we are separate we think that we have to get things that we don’t have. We have to acquire, conquer, steal, obtain, attain, etc. If we knew that we were whole instead of disconnected then we would know that we already have all that we need. But if we are ignorant of this fact then the desire leads to all sorts of consequences, some good and some bad.

Perhaps you have heard people say that we are all one. It’s a common trope these days. While this is true, it is obvious that most people who repeat the trope do not actually grasp its import. If we truly knew that we are all one, as an indivisible, singular movement of consciousness, then most of our personal, psychological, and spiritual problems would be gone. We are all one means we are not separate, and because we are not separate from one another, there is no “other” to fear.

Out of the fear, desire, and separation of the self arises hate, greed, jealousy, anger, attachment, anxiety, depression, etc. So we have to ask ourselves whether these feelings are necessary or whether the egoic self perceives them as necessary. Certainly, it is helpful to avoid, and perhaps defend yourself from, those who intend to do your body harm or to make other suffer. But is it necessary to harbor hate, resentment, envy, or greed? Biologically it does no good at all.

Since the egoic mind is only an accretion of thoughts about who you think you are, harboring such ideas only adds to the set of beliefs that collectively create an illusory sense of self. Behind this egoic mind is consciousness, which is the singular wholeness, the oneness, of existence that has no use for petty emotions, feelings, desires, and fears.

Hate, to consider one of many outcomes of the egoic mind’s thinking, is defined as an intense dislike for someone, a group, an institution, or some other entity. Is it necessary to carry around this intense dislike, or is it helpful understand whether your feelings are justified by stepping away from the confines and limitations of the egoic self? If you can do this, which is not impossible to do, then you can find freedom from the thoughts that bind up your energy, time, money, health, and attention.